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AbyssNo one ever poured love in me.
Not when I was a child, they had other business to attend to, not when I became a functional member of a dysfunctional society, I'm not really pretty, and not really seductive.
It's simply hard for me to recognize when someone feels anything, but repulse for me.
There's this gaping hole in my soul I think no one can fix. Not the power of self-love, or love of others.
I'm just meant to stand here, wondering of affectionate caressing, and writing terrible poetry of miscommunicated lust. I cannot heal.
Afektivno udaljenaUlazimo u tvoj stan.
Njušim intenzivno privlačan miris cigareta tvog tate, Ronhill bijeli, pomiješan vjerojatno s tvojim bijednim pokušajem prikrivanja dima nečim cvjetnim. No, to mi nije smetalo.
Zidni sat, gradilište koje četiri ulice dalje.
Srećom, tata ti nije tu. Radi. Nešto. Negdje. Možda. Danas te ne slušam tako pažljivo, jer sam jako uznemirena. Znoj i trnci. Slatko na jeziku.
Srećom, razvukli smo kauč u dnevnom boravku i postavili najsmješnije plahte. Spustili rolete. Upalili glazbu, ne prejako, ne pretiho. Nismo navikli čuti da koža prianja uz kožu.
Boli me što ti pridajem toliko meni bitnih karakteristika. Dobar, viši nego što zbilja jesi, potišten i pun razumijevanja. Poluizmišljen si.
Sve što želimo je tu. Pretvaramo se da smo malo više zaljubljeni, malo manje nezaposleni i primjereno zagrljeni.
RomanticAm I insane for looking for you in a place with twenty thousand faces?
I made a bargain with destiny, something like, please, let him be there, let him see me, let me kiss him, and I'll do a hundred laps around the block, I'll clean my room, I will not stress about unimportant stuff.
Am I insane for being disappointed?
I made a deal no one honoured. I made a deal no one signed. You couldn't even see the stars that night from all the fireworks, not a single shooting star to seal the deal. Not even one, lonely star that could catch my peripheral vision. You could have been standing right underneath, all alone, ready to be mine. Like in a foreign film, and all we would say to each other is a song, and we're drunk on what we're becoming. All of a sudden I'm in a summer dress, and you're blinded by the Sun. The scent of winter changing into a summer dream appears.
Am I insane for expecting a year filled with something more than self-loathing and sitting in my room, and locking myself
Nothing means everything to meI think about you way more than I should.
I don't even know you, and you must think I'm ugly, but you smiled so genuinely at me that one time, when I was ever so impolitely staring.
You're in my stories, now, and you make me terrifyingly happy when I see you, out in the streets, waiting in line, pondering, because I'm remembering every time I imagined kissing you.
end it, bitchHave you ever had one of those moments where the inevitable future just crashes into your consciousness, and you can't stop seeing what you'll become for the seven hundredth time, and you can't ever fill the vacuoles that the forthcoming memories left in you?
I just know what I end up in every possible scenario.
I just know where I end up in every possible scenario.
Still here. Still as in ages ago.
I just know how I end up in every possible scenario.
By my own hand.
I just know why I end up in every possible scenario.
I never try. Not in one of those stories. I always quit. I always fail. I lose. I lost me.
Case of HorrorsWhat's most terrifying about ANXIETY is that it's not real, and it's not really me, it's a part of my brain that doesn't work properly, it's an illness, and it can be treated.
Still, more than anything, more than being crazy, I fear my anxiety being cured, I fear what it could possibly be like being sane, I fear the vast unknown of nonthreatening traffic lights and casual conversations.
I handle my crazy, I know the loopholes, I know the safe ways to reach food, office supplies, and vodka. I know when to keep my head down, and how not to impress anyone. Being unnoticed, and melancholically mediocre, while having every interaction tinted with the mild stench of throwing up. If I'm sane, everything changes.
Stuck in a vicious circle, where I'm paralyzed with this fear of not being afraid.
MINTI wish my life was minty,
like a safer cigarette,
leaving a good taste in your mouth.
Harmless. Creamy. Opaque.
I wish my life was minty,
like the skinny leaves,
always so weightless,
so you think of taking me with you,
because I’m that easy.
Be stillI’m one of those creatures that has never been gifted with faith. I adore no deities, no saviours, but when it comes to people I’m so innocently in love with human kindness, and I have a strong belief in the human race.
I believe in soul mates, I believe in unconditional love, I believe someone’s out there designed to fit my flaws and my virtues perfectly.
I believe in you.
I believe that, somehow, by pure randomness, you stumble upon my poems, now and then, upon my thoughts - can’t you feel them in your dreams?, and that you’re molded by what I write about you, unknowingly you.
I believe you’re in everything I create, I believe something’s pushing me towards you, just as much as I know something’s sending you my way.
We’re scripted to meet, at least for a nanosecond, the rest is our choice. We’re to make the best of it. So, if you’re reading this, if you’re seeing the future, please choose me, when the time
Dead Man's SwitchIn control, then not -
Sudden loss of grip.
Headlong to where?
Details lost, smudged, streaked.
Careening; no system of
No dead man's switch,
On a fast track -
With or without a god?
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More