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About Literature / Hobbyist Member LuLu26/Female/Croatia Recent Activity
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'Zašto hodaš 3 metra ispred mene'
'Zašto me ne poljubiš tu ispred svih'
'Šta sam ja tebi'


I sa svakim 'oprosti' nježan cjelov u vrat, čvrst, očajnički zagrljaj kao da zbilja nisi znao da griješiš, kao da me nećeš pustiti, ali stvarno baš nikad.
in the middle, yes,
the middle, there was a frog.
Not green with envy.
Unfit for life.
Isolation oriented cause I feel like no one speaks my language.
I don't know why that happens to me. That silly sensation of genuine loneliness.
And it's not about boys, or friends or parents, or you or him or her, nothing really personal, it's about making a connection in this very grey, and very unsafe world, look at that vast and beautiful world and I fail to talk to someone sincerely and without fear. There is no time, no fucking time. I'm so fucking old, and I've barely felt anything ever. I have a strange desire to disappear, and observe how life changes for no one. No one sees me, not at all. I'm transparent and useless and bland and terrified and scarred and quiet.
And people are to read this and go "fuck her, she's just another mental" and give up. That's easy, that's cosy, that's comfortable, cause "fuck her, she's complicated and demanding for an invisible unnecessary human".
"She woulda made that cut 8 years ago if she was serious."
"She woulda drunk those pills last summer, if she wasn't faking it."
"That's just for attention, you know, all them crazies never really let you know how they feel."
So I keep my mouth shut, and write these awful pieces of mind-vandalizing poetry that have nothing to do with art in an attempt of actually falling asleep tonight.
I couldn't possibly explain how incredibly pointless existing feels.
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: strong language)
Fuck you and "your eyes are so beautiful".
Fuck you and kissing my knuckles.
Fuck you and kissing my neck as you smile like I'm your most precious discovery.
Fuck you and "I wish I'd met you sooner".
Fuck you and eating out your ex on my blanket in the living room.
Fuck you and the roundtrip tickets to Venice I paid for.
I'll go there myself and eat a gelato, and get a terrible diarrhea, cause I'm lactose intolerant, but I'll have fun, and drink stuff handsome, yet overly buff Italian men will send me over, and I'll cry on the pricy gondola ride to my cheap hotel room - where I'll continue to weep.
Venice will continue to sink, but at a speedier rate, because of my tears.
But I'll return calm and free of you, so fuck you.
Fuck you, you sank a national treasure, you fucking fuck.
We were almost.
the stupid phone rang.
a minuscule part of me got shocked by the idea that somehow it might be you.
you wanted to hear me talk in this alternative universe. you wanted to know if I'm cold. and why I'd lost my headphones again.

(of course it's not you, you wouldn't, not ever, you haven't done that in a while, a year I guess)

I just, I just thought, in the end, there'd be a chance at us.
you guys, I'm a medical doctor! :D

Don't be scared, I'm good at it.

Anyway, I'll be sure to post more stuff, once I stop crying (you know, fear of responsibilities, fucking up life, major life choices, being 25, being really childish, people to hate, etc.)
  • Mood: Uneasy
  • Listening to: Tonight Alive
  • Reading: some historical novel about Byzantium
  • Watching: Death Note
  • Playing: Rail Rush
  • Eating: everything
  • Drinking: Cedevita

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pankreas67 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014
Dancing Pumkin head 4 Dancing Pumkin head 2 Dancing Pumkin head 3 Dancing Pumkin head 5 Dancing Pumkin head 
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
pankreas67 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014
Rozina Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Hvala za fejv :hug: :heart:
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
naravno :D :heart:
seriousmess Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
And thank you for the favourite and watch as well!
FractalOnWings Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014
Sjemenko :D
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
eeeej ti! :D
FractalOnWings Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
oaklungs Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014
thank you very much for the favourite :heart:
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