|the most private thing I'm willing to admit ^^|
rhyme your sadi'm no better than casual loneliness,rhyme your sad by Sjemenka
thinking i deserve mindless happiness.
(i feel emptiness)
haleI guess I wanna turn seventy.hale by Sjemenka
I guess I wanna tell my grandkids how I wanted to join a circus on false pretenses to set free to the elephants.
I guess I wanna shave my head for the cancer kids.
I guess I wanna a handsome tall man of my choosing kiss my bald head, and admires my commitment.
I guess I wanna travel to India, and drink exclusively tea for the rest of my life.
I guess I want my wounds to heal and turn to beautiful scars.
I wanna plant a pretty, lovely flower for every terrible thought that's now in my head.
I wanna have the biggest garden in the Northern hemisphere.
I wanna laugh without covering my mouth.
I wanna laugh.
I wanna hug.
I wanna try.
But it just feels so far away, at this moment.
It feels like I'm at the bottom of a ghostly, muddy lake, completely paralyzed, miles away from the clear surface.
I am safe in a way that I never change. I remain peaceful. I remain a dark specter.
I know it gets better.
Got lightWhat does my heart feel like?Got light by Sjemenka
Distant and fading.
Cold and tiny.
What do I feel when I listen to His heartbeats?
Huge and nurturing.
Warm and shiny.
And I'm trying to soak up the sun in my bedroom, getting burned instead of comfortable, so unfelt, so trapped and unable to transcend, cause He doesn't even know I need some light.
sludgeI dont want to take a picture of the sunset.sludge by Sjemenka
Lying in the back seat of my car.
Middle of nowhere of some freeway.
Faux leather sticks to my fat, greasy skin.
Heat melts my mascara, sweat or tears, I can't tell the difference.
I haven't been sane for a while.
Creamy vanilla clouds. Peachy cotton candy. Cherry syrup.
Threatening puce darkness. Shy stars creeping underneath of their invisibility cloak. Reinventing themselves from nothing to diamonds.
Warmth leaving my corporeal shell. Almost like blood loss.
Rebound streetlights. Petroleum spill.
Bitter tar and and a very empty stomach.
I sound like human trash.
It smells like rain.
My phone is shit. I can't take a picture. I can't lift a finger. I'm weak and I'm trash. I'm this fascinating nothing, just for the sake of trying to be a phenomenon.
It might rain.
It's going to rain.
I'm going to die of nothingness.