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About Literature / Hobbyist Member LuLuFemale/Croatia Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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I can't possibly be angry at boys for making choices
Though, I'm kinda upset for wanting a boy to choose me.
God, that would have been so nice - I could have fallen for him. That would have been so easy, he's so beautiful.

But I'm never the first choice, not even a 2, but a 3, 4, and a 5- 6 -7 - 8. I'm the three months after innocently and casually hanging out so-let's-give-this-fuckery-a-shot choice, I need a rebound choice, I need to fuck, I need to stop thinking, I need to start drinking choice. I feel anxiety choice, I need to be taken care of, I need someone as a medicine, my mom will like her choice, I need to figure out my life, yet still have someone soft, and kinda nice, and really bland choice, I need someone who's not tempestuous choice, I need someone who's calm, and shy, and melancholic, and thinks she's beneath me choice, and I'm never the I just want her, HER so goddamn much choice. There's a symphony to her breathing, a sway to her nervous walk, she's the magical wonderpill I wanna take to paint the world into a waterfall of unimaginable colours choice. She's the anchor and the ship. I wanna swallow her whole. I wanna stay in her embrace for a century or two, I wanna see her smile, I wanna make her try, I wanna know she feels something even when she's awfully quiet, I wanna kiss her thighs. I want us, and her, and only her, and simply her.
I should have been nicer to myself.
I should have been nicer to myself before reaching 26 years and 3 weeks on this planet.
I should have thought happier thoughts.

I could have fallen in love, already.
I could have forgiven my parents, for sure.
I could have been so fearless, and grand, and curious, and interested, and bold, and content.
I could have been happy.

I would have been my own hero.

I should have been nicer to myself before, when I needed it more.
Dont be that girl who gets envious of their friends' relationships, jealous girls make rash decisions and form toxic connections with men who don't see pass their skin, and their desperate need to be loved. Dont trust Him.
It's ok if that boy doesnt like you back. Life contains so much knowledge and so much passion. Do you know how many languages are out there to learn, books to read, boys to kiss who have every intention of seeing you again? There are so many things that can fascinate you on this planet, journalism, astrophysics, fashion, charity, make up, existentialism, and all the life under the surface of the sea. You can invest yourself in so many things, don't waste it on a boy who made up His mind about not caring about you before you even introduced yourself. Don't waste yourself with Him. You can do better. Fuck everyone, just not Him. Be happy for your friends, be happy for your family, your pets, be happy, happy, happy. Just stay away from Him. I see the way you look at Him, I see the way you bite your lips about Him, I see the way you write poetry about Him. He will not appreciate it. Get away. Get away.
Not Him. No, no, no. He intrigues you, He's tall and dark, and has secrets, and doesn't care, and you have that stupid grin on your face, like you're ready to be pulverized for a slim chance of romantic adventure. You're in danger. You think you don't care, but you're ready to explode for Him. Wait. Hold the sentiment. I know it's hard, but better people will come along. He's not the One. He's just a guydude, a fuckboi, a boytoy. You are more important than someone who never even asked for your name, (yet you capitalize His pronoun - you silly witch).
Get out.
you guys, I'm a medical doctor! :D

Don't be scared, I'm good at it.

Anyway, I'll be sure to post more stuff, once I stop crying (you know, fear of responsibilities, fucking up life, major life choices, being 25, being really childish, people to hate, etc.)
  • Mood: Uneasy
  • Listening to: Tonight Alive
  • Reading: some historical novel about Byzantium
  • Watching: Death Note
  • Playing: Rail Rush
  • Eating: everything
  • Drinking: Cedevita

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pankreas67 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014
Dancing Pumkin head 4 Dancing Pumkin head 2 Dancing Pumkin head 3 Dancing Pumkin head 5 Dancing Pumkin head 
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
pankreas67 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014
Rozina Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Hvala za fejv :hug: :heart:
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
naravno :D :heart:
seriousmess Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
And thank you for the favourite and watch as well!
FractalOnWings Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014
Sjemenko :D
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
eeeej ti! :D
FractalOnWings Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
oaklungs Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014
thank you very much for the favourite :heart:
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