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About Literature / Hobbyist Member LuLuFemale/Croatia Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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the stupid phone rang.
a minuscule part of me got shocked by the idea that somehow it might be you.
you wanted to hear me talk in this alternative universe. you wanted to know if I'm cold. and why I'd lost my headphones again.

(of course it's not you, you wouldn't, not ever, you haven't done that in a while, a year I guess)

I just, I just thought, in the end, there'd be a chance at us.
Zvali su hitnu jer neka žena leži i povraća na travnjaku pred birtijom. Ne jer ih je briga, zbilja, nego, jer ih je sram da leži u baš njihovom kvartu.
I da, prizor je za kurac, usrana, popišana, ispovraćana i s tetrapakom crnjaka isprolijevanim po sebi. Ne, ne, ne, samo to ne. Plače.
To je bolest. Ne kao povišen tlak ili žgaravica, nego kao pukotina, rasjeklina po sredini tebe i nitko to ne vidi.
Unesemo je u kola, i dalje plače i sve što hoće jest držati nekog za ruku koja nije u sterilnim rukavicama.
Ja sjedim u kutu, poluzatvorenih očiju jer me miris poluprobavljenog vina grize za oči i nisam spremna biti zabrinuta.
Meni je srce u lateks rukavici.
I can't possibly be angry at boys for making choices
Though, I'm kinda upset for wanting a boy to choose me.
God, that would have been so nice - I could have fallen for him. That would have been so easy, he's so beautiful.

But I'm never the first choice, not even a 2, but a 3, 4, and a 5- 6 -7 - 8. I'm the three months after innocently and casually hanging out so-let's-give-this-fuckery-a-shot choice, I need a rebound choice, I need to fuck, I need to stop thinking, I need to start drinking choice. I feel anxiety choice, I need to be taken care of, I need someone as a medicine, my mom will like her choice, I need to figure out my life, yet still have someone soft, and kinda nice, and really bland choice, I need someone who's not tempestuous choice, I need someone who's calm, and shy, and melancholic, and thinks she's beneath me choice, and I'm never the I just want her, HER so goddamn much choice. There's a symphony to her breathing, a sway to her nervous walk, she's the magical wonderpill I wanna take to paint the world into a waterfall of unimaginable colours choice. She's the anchor and the ship. I wanna swallow her whole. I wanna stay in her embrace for a century or two, I wanna see her smile, I wanna make her try, I wanna know she feels something even when she's awfully quiet, I wanna kiss her thighs. I want us, and her, and only her, and simply her.
I should have been nicer to myself.
I should have been nicer to myself before reaching 26 years and 3 weeks on this planet.
I should have thought happier thoughts.

I could have fallen in love, already.
I could have forgiven my parents, for sure.
I could have been so fearless, and grand, and curious, and interested, and bold, and content.
I could have been happy.

I would have been my own hero.

I should have been nicer to myself before, when I needed it more.
you guys, I'm a medical doctor! :D

Don't be scared, I'm good at it.

Anyway, I'll be sure to post more stuff, once I stop crying (you know, fear of responsibilities, fucking up life, major life choices, being 25, being really childish, people to hate, etc.)
  • Mood: Uneasy
  • Listening to: Tonight Alive
  • Reading: some historical novel about Byzantium
  • Watching: Death Note
  • Playing: Rail Rush
  • Eating: everything
  • Drinking: Cedevita

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pankreas67 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014
Dancing Pumkin head 4 Dancing Pumkin head 2 Dancing Pumkin head 3 Dancing Pumkin head 5 Dancing Pumkin head 
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
pankreas67 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014
Rozina Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Hvala za fejv :hug: :heart:
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
naravno :D :heart:
seriousmess Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
And thank you for the favourite and watch as well!
FractalOnWings Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014
Sjemenko :D
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
eeeej ti! :D
FractalOnWings Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
oaklungs Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014
thank you very much for the favourite :heart:
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