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After almost a revolution of this dread, this awful affection that is not passing away, this post-modern adaptation of Werther's suffering, I will have to quietly embrace that the thought of you will forever persist in my brain, like a scar, like an incurable inflammation.

Things like, I thought of you when my future boyfriend fucked me for the first time, will remain beneath the surface.

Things like, I try and not read your horoscope, a terrifyingly heretic and unreliable method of checking up on you, yet, I constantly do, will have to resume being unspoken.

Things like, never have I mentioned, but the first time I saw you was in a dream, and I named you after a star, have to undergo a removal of the neural patterns keeping those sentences safe.

I don't know why your spirit lingers. I'm a woman of hard facts and practicality.
I don't do love at first sight.
i don't do emotional compensation for the enjoyment of the strict rules and designs.
I don't do cognitive dissonance.
I don't do counterwishful thinking.
This is not the scenario I would have imagined.
Things like
It was mainly inspired by the book on scientific thinking that I'm currently reading.
Fictional to the bone.
He told me He loved me.
He told me He knew I should be His from the first greet.
Here I am, 5 hours into the night, lying in my bed, smiling, and awake from the overpowering excitement of Him loving me.
Me. The crazy weirdo. The nostril flaring. The hair dyer. The language quitter. The picky eater. The anxiety attack survivor. The Harry Potter reference machine inventor. The girl who loves Him back.
I often fantasize of a violent change in this terrible nothingness.

conversing with me.
like things evolved properly.
like a shift in your biology that would make you fond of saying ‘sorry’ once in a while.
like a constantly alternating timeline, where I don’t see all of the defeatist outcomes.

maybe just possibilities.
you guys, I'm a medical doctor! :D

Don't be scared, I'm good at it.

Anyway, I'll be sure to post more stuff, once I stop crying (you know, fear of responsibilities, fucking up life, major life choices, being 25, being really childish, people to hate, etc.)
  • Listening to: Tonight Alive
  • Reading: some historical novel about Byzantium
  • Watching: Death Note
  • Playing: Rail Rush
  • Eating: everything
  • Drinking: Cedevita

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Add a Comment:
scaryzwer Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2015
Hvala ti za fav, lipoto. :)
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
ma naravno :D
ReyeD33 Featured By Owner May 4, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hvala za fav!! :thanks:
Sjemenka Featured By Owner May 4, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
ma uvijek. :D
pankreas67 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014
Dancing Pumkin head 4 Dancing Pumkin head 2 Dancing Pumkin head 3 Dancing Pumkin head 5 Dancing Pumkin head 
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
pankreas67 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014
Rozina Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Hvala za fejv :hug: :heart:
Sjemenka Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
naravno :D :heart:
seriousmess Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
And thank you for the favourite and watch as well!
Add a Comment: